I heard from a reliable source once that a woman's brain never actually stops thinking and many times I tend to believe that but tonight I can't seem to think of anything and yet I can't seem to calm myself down into sleeping either. It is like my brain is thinking everything at once so fast that it is no longer really considering anything thoughts. Like all of the colors have come together to become white noise.
My husband, Trevor, came home from work and informed me that we should definitely do something fun together this weekend which initially got me all worked up and excited until he reminded me that it would be our last weekend before he deployed to Afghanistan again. I tried to keep a straight face but it was hard not to see that sentence took the wind out of my sails. I hadn't even been thinking about how close it was that he was leaving. The only way I could describe the feeling I had at that point was the giant elephant in our apartment had decided to sit on my chest and hunker down for awhile.
That is probably why I still can't get myself to close my eyes and go to sleep, that damn elephant is still sitting on me.
This isn't the first time both of us had to deal with deployment but back then we were just dating and I was back home with my parents and my friends. Now I am married to the love of my life and have moved across the country into a cozy little apartment. I am just so scared of just sitting around and staring at the wall for hours on end. I have done it before and will probably do it again.
Don't get me wrong though, Ramen is the best buddy ever. He has a habit of voicing his opinions on certain topics but can always tell when to just shut up an listen. I also have a few friends here where I live, someone Trevor works with and his wife. So it isn't like I am sitting alone in a tiny apartment with nothing but a cat and a lap top for me to talk to, I just tend to think that way sometimes I suppose.
I doubt anything horrific will happen while he is gone, it is just the absence of someone that should be there. I'm sure most military wives or anyone that has been part of a long distance relationship knows what I am talking about. My days would pretty much start when Trevor came home from work and they would end when we went to bed. The part in between, when he was at work, what just filler and unimportant.
The best way I could explain my day is to compare it to a crab cake. Trevor would be the lumps of crab so on weekends, they are always really great filling crab cakes. Weekdays would be a mix of the lump crab and the breadcrumb filler so they were still pretty good but during deployment I am afraid they are just going to be mounds of breadcrumbs.
And no one wants that much breadcrumb. Except maybe that elephant.
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